better begin...in the beginning...

hmm
reading this again, it needs to be shorter...

I am interested in comparing notes on 'real experience of', (ie not 'belief in' or 'faith in'), the phenomena generally identified as 'god', ie/eg the non-magical, person to person god, as the source of the order and disorder of the universe, that takes part in the exchange that is often called 'prayer' - freely and without mankind's influence or constraint.
So far, the experience might be best described, as I know it, as the result of a 'tuning', a shift in consciousness, which, ideally - would, or one day will be, a continuous state, not one that has to be searched for.

I know it as a continual condition of disconnection and reconnection. My actual physical, daily world demands constant thought and attention, its complexity in extremes of delight and tragedy are often overwhelming, uplifting or heartbreaking.

Beyond my own daily life experiences, are those of my wider world, of people and places that I know respond as I and mine do, who face similarly - those same kinds of extremes - or greater ones.
Their lives change as mine does, they celebrate, they feel pain & their hearts are broken, as mine may be.

The experience of any sense of impending collapse, disaster, destruction - every kind of calamity, must be a common one.
Just as immense joy, delight, celebration, may be.

For myself - the tremendous turmoil of life, and many of its most awful aspects, might be intolerable, I have certainly found it to be so in the past, so that I felt driven to escape it all, and everything I know of it, somehow.
Yet there is no escape - always the relentless continuum.

However my most powerful experience, my reality, is none of that.
Instead, it is 'god consciousness', or the sense of stepping away from smaller concerns, to consider 'god', a god sensed as 'love', instead.
The experience is a powerful one in that there has appeared to be nothing that comes close to subduing it, and it brings answers, results, responses. Sometimes so uncanny that I feel that a 'fix' has been arranged, deliberately by someone who knows me well, but concerning things about which no-one can possibly know, or intervene.

But - no, none, not one response that I ever demand,
none that I can ever dream of.

Any sense of 'knowing better' than the experience itself, renders it useless.
I know that, and feel it as 'bad tuning'.

For it to be effective, I need to be in a state of mind that accepts my own complete unbounded, ignorance.
A state of mind that might compare to the landscape after an immense flood, or fire, with everything swept away, nothing recognisable.

Then I hold on to that state of mind, a reconnection, I know it as my most 'real' condition, not that one given by whatever my life seems to give me on any given day as a main protagonist, in a plot concerning 'one' - me, as large and significant,
but - I as a tiny part of infinity, microscopic, insignifcant, nothing at all, in the universe, far less than one microscopic star in the milky way.
Then I feel close to god, I rediscover my true nature, and feel 'seen' and heard, as I am, 'actually'.

At that time, in that state of mind, I can find my deepest, saddest thoughts and darkest feelings, all that seems to be my most impossibly glorious dreams, and needs.
I can scream and cry them, they can all be heard, they will be heard. They are shared with god.

It is the sense of finding the centre - the organiser, an 'other' consciousness,
one immense one, that contains my own.

'God consciousness' & the ongoing search for god, and god based structures, (religions) together with all the god debate, with rejection of god, appears to be universal, trans cultural and present in some of the earliest evidence of man, and might be assumed to be some kind of 'need' that must be confronted & met, in similar ways that the needs for all fundamental needs such as shelter or food must be.
It may be almost impossible for anyone to live on this planet, without being aware of 'god consciousness'.

That 'god thought' appears to be an inbuilt function in the nature of man, - does not appear to guarantee any kind of working relationship with any god, any more than the need for food and shelter guarantees a useful diet or a safe home. To find food or shelter, may be in some locations - very easy, in others
extremely testing, yet mans resilience and adaptability makes it possible for him to inhabit some inhospitable regions.

...to be continued...